So much hurt, harm and danger is sweeping our world. Frankly, we have been in this state for a very, very long time. We are only experiencing, now, the continued momentum of an ugly movement. 

As much as we would like to, and could, discuss all that is wrong, point the finger of blame and hold discontent - and much worse - against one another, until we, first, forgive we cannot move forward in a positive manner. Not with solid, long-term results, anyway. Admittedly, there are serious actions to be taken to address wrongs and hold wrong-doers accountable but we must begin from a place of strength and self-resolve. This basis is found in forgiveness. Forgive them.

Forgiving others is a gift of healing you give yourself. Forgiving yourself is where your healing begins. We all do the best we know how to do under the circumstances. Give yourself the break you deserve to begin anew. Forgive yourself. Then, forgive others.

Forgiveness slows the momentum of ugliness. There is power in forgiveness. Plant the seeds and watch them blossom.

​Recently, I was having a conversation with my mother.  We were talking by phone as we do many times a day, every day. I know. I am blessed to have my mom still with me physically and, even more so, to have such a bond with her. We pick up the phone and call each other for everything.
 
One evening, as I was cleaning my kitchen, something stopped me in my tracks. I had a yearning to hear “a word” from my mom. So, I called her and picked her brain for a moment. I had one very specific question for her.
 
I asked her, given that she has lived over three quarters of a century, what top 3 pieces of advice would she had given me 40 years ago if she’d known then what she knows now. Her answers did not disappoint.
 
I had no expectations yet she surprised me. Honestly, I was in need of a lift and I wanted it from my mother. My mother is a soft-spoken, gentle, kind and loving lady. But powerful, strong and wise, she is. 
 
My mother’s first words of wisdom were to always be honest. Her second bit of guidance was to always treat others as you want to be treated. The third piece of advice was to always be respectful no matter what. 
 
I know many of us have heard these or similar words throughout our own lives. What is most significant to me is that they come from one who has been through the test of times, again and again, and, yet, she stands firm on these principles. It is so much easier to spout rules and standards in our younger days. But anyone who can maintain such values in spite of what life presents, that person demands attention. Their words must be given careful and serious consideration. They must be respected, just as the speaker must be respected. 
 
My mother, herself, must have been inspired because she acknowledged having shared the three top pieces of advice I requested of her but she had one more to offer. I was eager to hear it.
 
My mom advised to always hold on to your beliefs, making sure they are your beliefs and not someone else’s. I was moved. My mother had served up a three-layer cake with a delectable icing. 
 
My mother inspired me on the phone that evening. She always does. She inspires me not only with her words but also by her example. I want to be that graceful lady full of wisdom and force when I grow up. In the meantime, I will settle for doing the next best thing. I will follow my mom’s words to live by.
 
Thank you Mom and Happy Birthday!
 
I love you!

This time of year is so special. Magical, in fact. 
 
The holidays tend to bring out the best in people. Somehow, we muster the humanity to be a little kinder to others. We are helpful to strangers. We feed the hungry. We clothe the tattered. 
 
We sing more. We laugh a little heartier.
 
We love more.
 
The outcome is a life lived more generously.
 
In the past, I have shared with some that I grew up in a family that lived the Christmas Spirit each and every day. I was taught to live more generously everyday.
 
Giving when we can and where needed is what we did. It is what we still do. Loving others enough to share food and clothing when in need and not waiting upon a holiday or react to a national disaster is the hallmark of my family. 
 
I am so incredibly grateful for these values instilled in me. I am, honestly, really proud of my family. My mother and maternal grandmother were the backbone of our small but running-over-with-love family. 
 
Sometimes, it is the lessons of love that teaches us to make room for others. Sometimes, it is the challenging experiences that present opportunities to grow into that mindset. The year of 2020 is certainly one case in point.
 
The tragic events of this year brought out the best in many. Where entities, governments, representatives and others failed its people, individuals and organizations stepped up. They stepped up in huge, unimaginable ways. 
 
Our worst brought out our best. Those who never served before found creative and magnificent ways to help children in need of desks to study at home. Some provide electronics so those without tools or resources could have the means to continue their studies remotely. Children who relied upon school meals were amongst families who received boxes of food from caring individuals and organizations. 
 
The extended helping hands across the street and across the country go on and on.
 
I am left with the question I ask myself each year? If we can step up to be our brother’s – and sister’s keeper – during the holidays and when faced with challenging and devastating times, why do we not do so all the time?

We prove every year we can. This year, 2020 in particular, we proved that we should. The odd thing is if we would always do right by one another, the “step-ups” would not have to be so massive. It is because we systemically create such major gaps in wellbeing for people that, when tragic times come upon us, the assistance needed and recovery time are an overwhelming and long road.
 
This message is about the hope and capacity of what we, as “a people,” can do. Let’s remember something. Holidays are wonderful. The magic they hold is so mystical. We should also not be mistaken of their power. 
 
Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa all hold the power to carry us well throughout the remainder of the year.

As I wish you my heartfelt Season’s Greetings, I leave you with this food for thought. Christmas, and no other holiday, is merely a date on a calendar. Christmas is a state of being. Hanukkah is a state of being. Kwanzaa is a state of being. 
 
Spread your love and live more generously year-round!
 
Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa!

​
 
 
 

Be grateful for what was for it brought you to where you are and taught you what you didn’t know you didn’t know.
 

Be grateful for what is because it is speaking to you to grow right where you are – for your sake and the sake of others.
 

Be grateful for tomorrow no matter what happens because it will hold something wonderful even you do not see it.
 

Be grateful for the opportunities to look beyond yourself for there are unanticipated wonders awaiting you.
 

Be grateful for the push outside your comfort zone because the push is really a pull to people and experiences you otherwise would never have had. 
 

Be grateful for what seems wrong and bad because it makes you search for what seems right and good. 
 

Be grateful for those who are no longer with us in body because we now have them with us in spirit working with and for us with great power. 
 

Be grateful for those who are journeying along with us in this life experience, though along different path, for they are inspiration to keep doing what we do.
 

Be grateful for others’ wins because they are all our wins which lift up the collective body we call humankind. 
 

Be grateful for who you are – exactly as you are – because you are the perfect ingredient for which there is no substitute in this delicious, savory pie of life. 
  

           ~ Carol L. Stokes
  

With love and gratitude, I send you greetings for a Happy Thanksgiving!

If you vote in person, please be safe. Wear a mask and remained socially distanced for safety. Also, be prepared to stand in record length lines.
DO NOT BE DETERRED. USE YOUR VOICE TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE KNOWN.

There are no words to express my gratitude for the contribution Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg made to this country.
 
Her imprint is too deep to be ignored and too far-reaching to leave any human untouched.
 
How, then, could we ask more of such an honorable servant. Justice Ginsburg served honorably, standing for and representing justice for all.
 
She indeed was the “Notorious RBG,” faithful and steadfast, to the end.
 
Reverence. Strength. Honor. That, in three words, is what Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg represented.

​Applause! Applause! Applause!
 
Regardless of where you sit, honesty will not allow denial of the historical nature of Joe Biden’s pick of Kamala Harris as his vice presidential running mate. 
 
We’ll get to what such a selection says about Biden. First, let’s dive a bit into what Kamala Harris represents.
 
The contributions of the Black population are continually overlooked and ignored. Black people have a particularly connection to foundation of these United States of America. Amongst that foundation is the even more so overlooked Black woman. 
 
The extent of inequalities and injustices run long and deep. Yet, these roadblocks are no match for the strength, tenacity, courage and intelligence of the Black woman. She has withstood the test, time and time again. She rises to the occasion of her challenge rearing her family. She makes the most of her resources. She works tirelessly and selflessly to provide for her family and to be a caregiver to all who are relying upon her. 
 
When the means are not available to pursue traditional paths to self-improvement, she finds a way. 
 
She rises. She shines. Always tending to the wellbeing of others. 
 
All this, and so much more, is what Kamala Harris represents. 
 
Frankly, women, generally speaking, are a force to be reckoned with. If this administration has done anything at all it is bringing the female power to the forefront and into the spotlight. Whether through the various social conscious movements or the phenomenal female representation in our government, the progressive actions for equality and justice have intelligent and unrelenting women at the head. 
 
Females of all ages and backgrounds can see themselves, somewhere, in Kamala Harris. For most, she represents everything described here. For others, if nothing else, she still represents how far brains, strength and character can take a female even with the obstacles she encounters. 
 
As for Joe Biden, clearly, he demonstrates what it means to be a real man. What do I mean? Well, there is no doubt his choosing Kamala Harris was strategic but that is only part of the magic here. A lesser man could acknowledge a woman’s intellect and tenacity as superficial kudos and be done. But not Biden. Biden wants to be the next President of the United States so he’s not going to play around with his running mate. He can’t afford to make some shallow point. Biden’s pick means he believes In Kamala Harris! Period! 
 
Not only does Joe Biden not hold grudges, he is a man of true honor and character. 
 
The Biden-Harris ticket, too, is one of honor and character, ready to represent the people of this country. 
 
Again, I say, “Applause! Applause! Applause!”

As activist, Lewis marched, boycotted, was beaten and jailed as he fought for equality and justice for Black people.
 
As Congressman, Lewis marched, fought for legislature and spoke up for his district and Black people as he fought for equality and justice for Black people.
 
Lewis was a man of integrity. He was a trailblazer. He was a fighter for equality and justice. 
 
For decades, John Robert Lewis fought. He never wavered. He was strong. He was powerful. 
 
He cannot be replaced and he will assuredly be missed.
 
We would only do a disservice to Lewis if we fail to keep his legacy alive. We must do our part to continue the fight Lewis so uncompromisingly and tirelessly took on for others. 
 
Let us honor the man and all he gave us by taking his charge. Lewis urged, “Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”
 
We heard this gentle Civil Rights Giant loudly and clearly. We shall, through our individual efforts and through collected efforts, continue to “get in good trouble, necessary trouble” until the debt to Black folk can be stamped, “PAID IN FULL.”
 
Through us, John Robert Lewis lives on.
 
THANK GOD FOR JOHN ROBERT LEWIS! 

​Time.  Time.  Time.
 
Too often, many of us – most of us – complain about not having enough time.  “There just are not enough hours in a day.”  “There is no way I can do everything I need to.  I’d have to be two people.”  “Where did the time go?” 
 

Sound familiar?  Okay.  So, now is your opportunity.  Chances are, you have more time to do whatever it is you have always wanted to do.  Maybe, now, you have a little bit more time on your hands to take on that task you said you would if only you had the time.  There are DIY projects, new hobbies and interests sitting on that back burner waiting to be picked up and tackled.  And what about self-improvement?  The time could not be better.  Now is the time to become all you can or, at least, take those baby steps on those areas you know could use a little (or more) work. 
 
Heck, this is the ideal time to work on a trait or character or skill that you know could only improve your life.  
 
With self-quarantines and social and business restrictions in place, millions are spending a significant amount of time at home.  Many not having a clue as to what to do next.  Others bored silly.  Even more simply letting the unfamiliar and unwanted “extra” time get the best of them. 
 
For those who are out of work and struggling and don’t know where to turn, I do not profess to have the answer for all your problems.  I would, however, encourage you to consider applying for a job with the grocery stores and restaurants that are, not only still open, but are thriving and steadily hiring.  The industry might be one out of your comfort zone but it could produce much needed income and offer you a different experience you might come to enjoy.  Often, great joy and rewards come as a result of doing something we would not have even considered but for the serious push we got.  Go ahead.  Give it a try.
 
As for those of us who simply want to know how to fill the day, try discovering the answer from yourself.  Go within to learn where you should go from here.  Wherever your here is.  Get present and let the answer emerge from you.  How?
 
Find a place where you can sit quietly.  If only for 5 minutes, sit quietly for 5 minutes.  I know some of you are laughing and asking how are you supposed to do this with kids around.  Make it happen.  Even if it is long after they have fallen asleep, give yourself the gift of 5 minutes.  If you are able to be more generous to yourself, then, please, do so.  Set aside 15 minutes.  Whatever time you are able to get still and quiet, get started.  You can grow from there.  For now, do what you can.
 
Find a spot and sit quietly with all distractions removed.  This means no cell phones or other devices, no televisions or other electronics, no one else around,  ... nothing and no one but you in a room, in a space all to yourself.
 
Try to think of nothing.  Just take slow and deep breaths.  It is very common for the mind to wander.  If it does, do not judge or beat yourself up. Over time, you will find yourself becoming less distracted by your thoughts or any other noises.  Just continue breathing deeply and thinking of nothing.  Simply concentrate on your deliberate breaths.  In and out.  In and out.
 
Have no expectations and no agenda; just be still and quiet.  Just be.  This is being present.  Your presence is not a concentration on the current events or whatever else is happening in the world.  What is happening is not “the present” though it might be occurring at the present time.  Being present – your presence – is a matter completely different than attention on external happenings.  Do yourself a favor.  Get present.
​